By Christy | the Practicing Pro
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The opinionated and headstrong child can be so hard to parent and even harder to manage a daily home music practice with.
I like to call these little people TUMBLEWEEDS.
Have you seen or held a tumbleweed before? You have to be so careful - they are surprisingly hard and sharp.
So, Imagine a tumbleweed rolling across the arid plains, unstoppable and resolute in its journey.
Similarly, tumbleweed children have an idea in their head and they can be unstoppable. In a home music practice, they know what they want and are determined to achieve it, the only problem is that this can work against them and they might be determined not to do something they are assigned or not to practice at all. This determination, while admirable at times, can sometimes lead to challenges in their musical development. They can get STUCK like a prickly tumbleweed at the base of a tree in some brambles.
These tumbleweed children though if managed just the right way - can grow up to be determined and focused on their goals. They can become powerful, creative, unstoppable leaders.
How this relates to Children
We are talking about music right now though, so in all things, remember that everything they learn in music lessons and daily practice habits will stay with them and later in life all of these skills will go with them. Practicing every day with these little tumbleweed characters can be frustrating, but it's important to focus on the kind of child you're raising and who you want them to become. Someone who loves music, is part of a community, has discipline, can regulate their feelings, stay focused on a task until it's done, ask for help when they need it, and knowing how to accomplish bigger goals are some of the many advantages.
When teachers or practicing parents come to me asking for advice and describing their child's behaviour in detail to me, I ask them to step back and look at the child from outside of the room. Now, take the violin out of the picture and ask yourself what's really happening.
Ask yourself Questions
Is there a routine in place for practicing?
Is the conflict specifically with you as the parent?
Are you providing support during practice?
Are your words positive and encouraging or negative and frustrated?
Is the child hungry or tired?
Is the practice too hard or too long?
Is their to-do list overwhelming?
Do they know why they're practicing?
What's happening…. be a detective.
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Easiest is Routine
Making a routine is the easiest way to practice without friction. Set a specific time and place for practice every day. Provide support during practice in a way that works for your child, such as a practicing activity, a challenge, a checklist, or a fun activity you can do together after practice. Record the practice and listen back to your words to ensure they're positive and encouraging. Don't make your child stop doing something they love to practice. Instead, schedule practice after something they don't love as much. Use a practice chart and make the list slightly shorter than the actual practice time. Allow your child to make choices during practice, such as choosing the order of their practice activities.
By focusing on the child and their specific needs, you can help them develop a love for music and the discipline to achieve their goals. The tumbleweed child is a child who knows or thinks they know what they want and are determined to achieve it. As a parent, this can be challenging because what they are tumbling towards with unmovable prickles can lead them in fact in the wrong direction, causing them to get stuck and miss out on many experiences that we, as parents, know are better for them.
For instance, a child may refuse to hold their violin up on their shoulder, no matter what. This can become a significant issue, as playing the violin requires holding it correctly, and the child may not progress if they don't. The teacher and parent may try everything, but the child remains unyielding. Should they stop playing the violin? Everyone involved is frustrated, and the prickly, hard tumbleweed is stuck at the base of a big tree, unable to move forward.
Give them Solving Skills
The best approach for these wonderful little tumbleweeds is to equip them with their own coping and problem-solving skills. They are independent, confident, and determined, and they resist letting others help them. Therefore, if they can learn to be curious and identify their feelings, it can go a long way in helping them steer themselves in another direction when they are blowing by at a tremendous speed.
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